There really are no words for the amount of love I have in my heart for my girls. When they say your heart grows with the second baby, it's no joke. I am feeling so much more these days. Not just my love for my babies. I am noticing everything is a little better in my world. I feel so incredibly blessed. 

Here is the story of how Lilah Ivy entered this world.

38 weeks (when writing this, almost 3 years ago, I had no idea what prodromal labor was. Looking back I can see that my body was simply preparing for birth and that, maybe, I never really progressed past a 2/3. Read more about prodromal labor HERE. 

Let me begin with what I call "labor number one". Long, emotional story short... When I was 38 weeks I contracted for two days, dilated (I even had "the bottom line") and was given the OK to get in the birthing pool. While laboring in the pool my 6 year old daughter Emmi came home from the neighbors house where she was playing with her friend. When she entered (we were set up in my living room) she was hyper, loud and rambunctious. It pulled me out of my zone. Then my husband left my side to cut a brisket we'd put in the oven earlier that morning for everyone to eat. All of this commotion slowed down my contractions. Pam, my midwife, noticed and asked to check me. When she checked me she told me I was only dilated to a 3. Goodness I cried and my contractions immediately stopped so I stayed out of the birthing pool and simply wept into my husbands arms. Pam gently rubbed my back and said "Isn't it funny how emotions can effect labor so much?" It truly is amazing how our bodies work. We ate brisket and mashed potatoes then cleaned up and sent everyone home. We thought labor would get going again that week and we would be meeting our babe but as I now know babies have plans of their own.  I went for walks, ate grapefruit (and made grapefruit tea), visited my wonderful chiropractors, had acupuncture and did everything Pam told me to. Nothing happened and for a week and I was very down in the dumps but my last weekly visit to my chiropractor gave me a bit of a mental reset and I felt wonderful for the next 2 weeks.

40 weeks + 4 days

I woke up on mothers day with mild contractions and some bloody show. I was so anxious to have the baby and was thinking it would be the best Mothers Day gift if baby decided to come that day! There were so many "Oh wouldn't it be wonderful if we had the baby today?!" moments. We had plans to see my nephew's dedication at the church and visit my mom so we decided to go since the contractions were mild and I was having inconsistent contractions for 3 weeks at that time. Throughout the ceremony I was contracting and feeling uncomfortable. I remember looking over at my mom a few times and mouthing "Ouch!". My step dad was hoping that I would have the baby the next day, the 13th, since that was his birthday. I thought to myself "Nooo! Lets do this today!".  I ate a breakfast burrito that morning from a local Mexican meat market so when we went out to eat with my family after the ceremony I wasn't hungry.Nnauseous even. In fact I didn't eat for the rest of the day. When we got home around 1pm I text my midwife, Pam, that the contractions are very low and in my back and that it was difficult to talk through them. She said she would come over at 4 and see me. I was walking around my house looking for chores to do to keep my mind off of timing the contractions because I really didn't want to get my hopes up. When Pam came over and checked me she gladly told me I was definitely in early labor, dilated and effaced. I didn't want to know my dilation. We thought it was funny that her goat at home was also in labor! Pam said "I'm interested to see who delivers first, you or my goats!" and I thought to myself "Oh, please let it be me!". She went home shortly after to give me some peace and told us to call her when it was time to come over. When she got home she emailed me pictures of her baby goats that were born minutes before. Triplets! Around 6 pm my husband, Andrew, text Pam to come over "in about an hour".  I was rocking through my contractions at this point but was not vocal. She arrived around 7 pm and I remember her looking at me and saying "Wow!". I'm pretty sure it was a good "wow" as I was laying across my birthing ball now moaning through contractions. Eventually Cheryl, the midwife apprentice, arrived as well as my sister who was to be the "go to" lady for my daughter Emilee and photographer. I was very uncomfortable but also noticed my contractions were slowing down to about every 10-15 minutes. This had happened the last time with extra commotion around our home. I didn't think I minded at all but my body needed peace and quiet to progress. Around 11 pm Pam positioned me in bed in the "stork" position to help keep my pelvis open while Andrew and I rested. The house was quiet for the rest of the night as everyone slept soundly (and loudly...ahem). Everyone but me. Of course. I woke up several times throughout the night with strong but inconsistent contractions. I wasn't timing them because I was so afraid that labor would stop again and I really didn't want to feel discouraged like I was 2 1/2 weeks ago when we thought it was baby time. Around 6 am I got up and  Pam suggested I take a hot shower. That sounded so good I immediately hopped in. It felt amazing! I was still noticing strong and low contractions. Pam and I decided to go for a walk before everyone else woke up so I dressed and grabbed a banana (though I was still not hungry but knew it was important to eat for energy). We weren't a few blocks away when I felt a small trickle of water leak down my leg. I stopped and looked at Pam wide eyed and said "I'm leaking water, I don't think I peed on myself? I don't know!" I was so confused because I hadn't experienced my water breaking on it's own with Emmi. Pam looked at the fluid running down my leg and suggested we go back home and test it. Sure enough, at 6:45 am my waters broke. I was so happy. I can't explain how relieved I was to know that this was really happening. Soon my contractions were stronger and more consistent and I wanted to be left alone with my husband, dancing my hips back and forth.

 I was very inward at this point. I lost track of time and was no longer aware of my surroundings. I began vocalizing loudly and couldn't get comfortable. Andrew stayed with me the whole time, holding my hand and being so sweet. I couldn't have done it without him.

 I tried several different positions to help ease the discomfort of my contractions but there was nothing I could do that made me feel better. I felt as if I had to use the restroom several times in these hours but sitting on the toilet was awful! I hated it. I distinctively remember reading that some mama's like to labor on the toilet and thought "Those women are crazy!" because this was definitely not comfortable for me! It's funny how that works! I asked Pam to check me when they finished heating up the birth tub. As she was checking me I felt worried because all she told me was "well you are nice and soft" at first. I didn't want to know my dilation at all but I knew Pam well enough to know that I wasn't progressing as fast as I was hoping. She told me that my water had broken towards the top and asked if she could break it down low and pull the bags away from baby's head to help progression. Pam later told me that I was only a three when she was checking but I immediately dilated to a 5/6 when she removed the sac of waters from around baby's head and progressed even further to a 7 as she was checking me. When she said "OK time to get in the tub" I was SO relieved. Music to this mama's ears. Andrew helped me into the tub and the relief I felt was indescribable. I was still feeling contractions but the water helped so much with the pressure and that was HUGE relief.

 I really have no idea how long I was in the tub when I began feeling an urge to use the restroom. Andrew and Pam helped me out of the tub (which was comical) and I sat on the toilet for a few minutes until I just couldn't stand it anymore. I HAD to get down on my hand and knees as my body started involuntarily pushing. Pam suggested that I move to the tub but I couldn't move. Andrew and Pam had to help me off of the floor and back into the tub. As soon as I hit the water I said "I feel like I need to throw up!" and vomited OJ on the floor before they could get me a bowl. As I was vomiting my body was also pushing and that feeling was so awful. I'm a bit baby when it comes to vomiting so you can imagine how pathetic the scene was as I whimpered like a puppy! I remember Pam stroking my head and saying "I know, this is no fun, I'm so sorry". Her presence was so comforting and motherly. She is an incredibly gentle soul.

She later told me that she thinks I had a cervical lip and that the vomiting helped complete dilation. I felt immensely better and my urge to push intensified. This is when I REALLY started to push. I remember everything in slow motion from this moment on. I remember being so excited to finally meet our baby. I remember being careful not to tear. I remember letting my primal self take over. I remember vocalizing as loudly as it took to get through the intense contractions. I remember Andrew doing everything he could to try to comfort me. As long as he was touching me I felt a little better. I needed his touch.

As I was pushing I was supporting myself so not to tear. I cried out "I don't like it when the baby kicks, it's hurting!". When I felt the baby crown I said "the ring of fire!. This was a funny moment because of a conversation my sister and I had. An inside joke between the two of us. I was surprised at how little it hurt because I was expecting it to be the worse part. For me it meant we were almost there. Something clicked in me and I pushed as hard as I could crying out "Oooohhh come to me baby!".

Pam told Andrew to get ready to catch our baby. As I pushed and we saw more baby I reached down and felt slimy smooth skin. I was so confused because I expected to feel a lot of hair and more of a squishy, wrinkly head. Pam then said " OK that's not a head!" and took over. Breech! Of course! That's why it hurt when baby was kicking! She wasn't kicking the top of my uterus! She was kicking my bottom! That's poop at the bottom of the tub! Baby poop! Oh! I calmly said "OK what do we do?" and Pam told me to just keep doing what I'm doing so I pushed and supported myself.

Pam eased her legs out and I felt every part of the rest of her body leave mine. Born at 11:03 am, I pushed for a whole 3 minutes! It was a beautiful feeling. Something I can't describe. Pam placed our baby onto my chest and I cried out "Baby! My baby! Oh I love you!"

 I was overcome with the greatest love . My heart grew so quick and the love I felt for everyone in the room was passionate. I stared at baby and baby stared back at me. She didn't even cry but cleared her throat a bit. I then became aware of the room. My sister said "Oh he's so handsome!" and someone said "Is it a boy?". That's when we realized it was a girl! A baby girl<3 Andrew was crying, Emilee was in pure bliss. Emilee! Oh she did so good! Courtney, my sister, was busy taking the most beautiful photos. My lovely midwives stepped back to give us our space but were present. It was so beautiful. A moment I will never forget. Looking into her eyes, the familiarity. I kissed Andrew, I kissed Emilee. I thanked everyone in the room for being apart of such a miraculous moment. About 10 minutes later Pam noticed I was bleeding more than she was comfortable with so Andrew cut the cord (it had stopped pulsing) and bonded with his baby girl while I got a shot of pitocin to help slow down the bleeding. I got out of the pool to deliver the placenta and it came completely in tact. Pam helped me into our tub for an herbal bath.

Our baby girl joined me and I breastfed her as we looked into each others eyes and bonded. After our bath Pam helped us into our bed to get comfortable and do the newborn exam. Our girl was 8 lbs and 22 inches long with a 14 1/2 in head! Big girl! Pam showed me the parts of the placenta which was fascinating. She showed me an extra lobe and cord and explained to us that Lilah was a twin at one point. As sad as I was to hear that we could have had twins, I was also relieved because Pam explained that the pregnancy would have been very high risk had the twin developed. The babies would have shared a sac and the second baby would have been incredibly malnourished because the lobe and cord were tiny. We could have lost both babies. We squeezed our baby tight and thanked God for blessing our family. 

We will meet you one day soon, little Flower.

I think it was at this point that Andrew and I looked at her and knew her name was Lilah Ivy. While our new little family lay in bed soaking up all the newborn goodness our lovely midwives and my sister cleaned up our house and then left us to ourselves.

Having a home birth has been so healing. Especially having the experience I had with my first daughter.  I believe in my heart that had I trusted my body with Emmi and had a natural birth that my experience would have been so much better. Though I am thankful for Emilee's birth because I have learned so much and it helped fuel my passion for researching natural birth.

Looking back at Lilah's birth it is undeniable that God was with us that day. We don't exactly know when she decided to turn around into the breech position but we were thankful she did. Lilah had a very short cord that could have caused complications had she been born head first. This little girl knew what she was doing! Isn't that amazing?

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I want to thank a few very important people.

Pam and Cheryl, thank you for your amazing work and support. I love y'all dearly. Your calm and patience with my labor and birth are something I will never forget. You knew exactly how to care for  me. You knew when to give me my space and when to check on me. You are two beautiful souls. I can't wait to share more births with you!

Courtney my dear sister, your love and support has been so uplifting. I am so happy you were able to be present at such an intimate moment in my life. You did an amazing job with the photos. Especially with the quick crash course I gave you! You helped us so much and we appreciate everything you did so much more than we can ever explain.

Emilee you awesome kiddo. You rock. You were so calm and simply "OK" with the birth of your little sister. You are going to be a wonder midwife someday. I love you little girl. I love you so much.

And lastly my husband. My rock. My soul mate. You are my everything. As cliche as it is to say this, I mean it. I couldn't imagine my world without you. I love you so much. My love for you grows even more everyday. Seeing you with our little girls is a dream! You are a passionate father, perfect for our little girls. I am so thankful for your love and tenderness through labor and I literally could not have done this without you. My love <3